Dismantling Harmful Masculinities

If you’ve read the last few posts, hopefully you are convinced that there are many behaviours within normalized masculinity paradigms which are not beneficial to the greater society, or to the individual who acts them out.

The next step is to defuse this destructive hyper-masculine bomb.

Fortunately, through not actually being beneficial to anyone, the dominant, negative characteristics of encouraged male behaviours are not hard to see through. It is worth putting these arguments into words. It is worth considering that most of these ideas about how men are supposed to behave came from some societal purpose or role that needed to be played out at some point in time. It is our job as rational creatures to think about how these ideas can evolve, just as our actual modern roles have evolved.

Perhaps most important to investigate is the mythical notion of man as strong. This deserves to be besieged because, like most things with humans, it is mostly a social construction, dependent upon culture. The reason for men to be strong is relative to the idea that women are weak.

The reality is that women aren’t weak.

Compared to other animals, other primates in particular, male humans are not that different from female humans. When we take into consideration the level of independence that modern women can have if they choose, and what this means in the context of human societies, the biological differences become even more insignificant. The social and economic realities of our times make the relationship between men and women basically unnecessary aside from reproduction.

Then why are men continuing to act out in antediluvian, even regressive ways?

It’s possible that culturally we are lagging behind the economic, political, and technological advances of the last 45 years. To figure out why this is, it should be noted that there has been increasingly strong, and increasingly well organized, backlash against every progressive social movement of the 20th century. The movement against the second wave of feminism in the 1960’s – 70’s, became embedded in masculine identities. Same with the counter-movement opposed to the LGBT social movement. There developed a harsh cultural counter-movement against open homosexuality, there came to be discrimination against men who had style and dressed well (compare the grungy, understated male of the 90’s to the flare of men of the 50’s and 60’s, the eccentric fashions and music of the 70’s and 80’s which came out of the protest cycle of the 60’s, the beginning of the use of “fag” as an insult directed at men who dressed well or respected women). This is only now being culturally counteracted by the appearance of openly gay characters and celebrities in popular media, normalizing behaviors, fashions, and sexualities.

The challenge in cultural transformation is that it has a lot to do with inter-generational transmission of values. Families are a very important socialization point. A generation is a long time to wait for change. As rational creatures with access to an abundance of information we owe it to ourselves to consciously assess our behavior throughout our development, our growth as people.

When we look at our behavior and what we think is how we should behave , we can decide if it is actually worthwhile behaving in such a way. We can ask ourselves: what are the outcomes of this? We can ask ourselves, why do we act this way?

Whatever you believe in, if you believe that people are solely self-interested organisms or if you believe that people are social creatures, extremely interdependent upon one another, you will ultimately come to the conclusion that if the result of your action is not beneficial, if it is detrimental to another human being it is probably not the behavior that should be acted out.  If humans are selfish, our absolute critical need for each other is still imperative. If humans are interactive, willingly relational beings, our critical need for each other is still imperative. In either case, alone we are essentially nothing. Relationships breathe life into us. They make us real in a sense.

Understanding this, it follows that our interactions with other people should be given special attention and appreciation in our lives. It makes sense that what we do in our interactions with others should be of high priority in our lives and in its highest form, enhance of the lives of others. Cooperative relationships reap great rewards.

What is really natural?

There are many ideas about gender roles, and the sexes, which are culturally normalized, though not exactly true. There are a lot of ideas circulating which are unfounded, assumed to be natural or self evident. Many are quite obviously sexist and not true, but still fairly popular opinions nonetheless. For example: the belief that men are smarter than women or better at solving problems. While there have been studies comparing spatial awareness and mechanical aptitude between men and women, positing that men are better at dealing with these puzzles than women, there have also been studies observing what should be an obvious fact, that women, who actively practiced solving such problems were equally competent in this regard. Like most psychological and neurological research has shown, this supports the general trend which screams out the obvious and debunks these baseless cultural myths.

It highlights the fact that our minds are extremely malleable and adaptable. That our worldview, our skills, and our self-perception are highly influenced by our environment.

Don’t get me wrong, males and females are physiologically different. Obviously. There are genetic and hormonal differences, there are even general structural differences in the brain itself between males and females.

The point I am making though is that our minds are capable of so much more. There is no reason to assume that because we behave a certain way right now, that it  is all we can be. This is the remarkable thing about humans, we create cultures. These are distinct ways of being, living, and interpreting the world. There are almost limitless ways to behave as a human being.

This is why it is absurd to claim that males are innately aggressive. Or that males are inherently dominating. Or that males are naturally hostile.

In reality, if we overlook our own societal delusions, we are not isolated individuals vying for domination over others. The extreme competition of our society is itself mostly a socially constructed belief system. A very unfortunate one at that, considering the well documented negative effects to self esteem that one will find if they thoroughly look up the psychological research on the subject.

Yet we behave in these ways because it is what we know. It is the world we have grown up in. It is what we often accept as natural. It is taken for granted that things could improve.

We have the power to reject harmful aspects of our own behavior and proactively participate in our own lives. Having the ability to do this, it’s strange that we don’t. It’s logical. The answer is social again. It is because it is not yet “normal”. It does not seem logical to many people to behave in a way that is different. This is because there are certain advantages to behaving in ways that are certifiably normal in our social groups. This is true, there is definitely psychological benefit to being part of the group.

One might ask oneself: “Why do anything differently? I’m okay right now, I’m comfortable.” This would be the thought process of an individual who has resigned themselves to the depravity of normalness.

To state this in a way easy to translate for those subscribing to the competitive ideology: the problem is that the best someone of this mindset can ever hope to be is the best at being mediocre. The best at being normal. Exceptionally unexceptional.

Progress in society requires certain individuals to be brave and act out in ways that are legitimately superior for human mental health and pave the way for others. The social integration of these individuals is not a problem. Leaders who speak the truth will gain followers.

There are ways of being that are more beneficial, more optimal to the promotion of health and happiness than living in the mundane squalor and toil of competitive and isolated individualism, currently considered the epitome of masculine prowess.

Stand up against the stupidity of this system. Be brave. Be a leader. Even in any small way.

Be human.

Manliness

Manliness: How a man is supposed to look and act.

We could probably rate someones appearance as “manly” or not based on what we think a “man” should look like. Big, strong, muscular. I tend to picture Paul Bunyan mixed with Ronnie Coleman. It sounds silly, or even absurd but it’s true.
But how does a man act?

Well, getting the look down is the easy part. As we will see, dominant masculinity types are full of hypocrisy in our society.

First off – let’s point out that different groups have different expectations about normal behaviour. Then think about how many different groups we interact with in our everyday lives.

To highlight the point I’m trying to make, let’s look at two typical archetypal male roles in our society:

• “Christian Man” since North America is religiously dominated by Christians.
• “Blue Collar Working Man” because this is a large portion of the population and an idol of traditional “manliness”.

Let’s sum up some of the key characteristics of these manliness paradigms, as you read, imagine that both Church and work are very important and time consuming aspects of your life.

*Ideal Christian Man

• Spiritual (emotional, subjective, metaphysical) relationship with God
• Unwavering faith
• Repressed sexual appetite
• Repressed excessive desire

*Norms of Blue Collar Working Man

• Hard  working (“git er done”)
• Breadwinner
• Unemotional
• Not encouraged to display intelligence
• Unrestrained sexual appetite 

In other words, a male growing up often has a lot to grapple with in terms of forming models of behaviour, as they are often directly incongruous depending upon the social situation. Within the context of North American overarching norm models based ideologically on competition, these traits further manifest themselves in selfish and “scared-of-others” ways, rather than cooperative or otherwise socially beneficial ways. This further exaggerates social issues by corrupting even well meaning models of personal identity provided to men. It’s possible for traits to configure themselves in infinitely disastrous packages. The result is sometimes the rationalized development of a ticking masculine time bomb of unfortunately glorified traits picked out of our delusional society:

•  Physically strong
• Unintelligent
• Uncompromising and narrow minded
• Impersonal/unemotional
• Selfish
• Hostile or aggressive (ultimately a defensive mindset)
• Competitive, desire to dominate others
• Sex obsessed for purpose of external validation from male peers
• Solely fear based moral system

I think that the problems with this are obvious. Many of the traits that are exemplified and held up on the man-pedestal are blantantly sociopathic. This mode of being is a bane to all of society, and men are no exceptions. The problem with many male behaviour norms is that they are disturbingly negative. Male depression and suicide are huge problems. This is no coincidence, this is not an innate male sex issue, it is a socially and culturally constructed monster.

Psychologically self-destructive (through the erosion of emotional health and relationships), and anti-social, isolating tendencies are mass produced in our society.

If we can understand this, if we can understand how our actions hurt the people we love, and can accept the truth – that we are able to change – then things can improve in time. We can develop much more optimal cultures, conducive to strong mental health and general well being. A man needs to be able to access his emotions, he needs them to relate to others, he needs to channel them into things that he loves and is passionate about. There is no shame in that. We’re all human beings. To live without emotion, without passion, is to live in a colorless and lonely world. Emotions are what connect us as people, they motivate us, they make life interesting and at times awe inspiring.

We are influenced by society and taught how to act to be normal, but when normal is harmful to ourselves and others we have the ability to choose something better. We don’t have to be normal. Normal is synonymous with mediocrity. We can make exceptional decisions, we can have the courage to live in an inspiring, emotionally, and socially fulfilling and healthy manner.
*Yes, I know these are broad terms I’m working with but these concepts are general, as I am talking about general expected behaviors for the purpose of presenting my basic argument in a simple and accessible manner. Obviously there are much more comprehensive and specific analyses of Christianity and working class/working-middle class subcultures, I do not claim this to be such an analysis. Thank-you.

Men. What are we?

Many of us tend to take an oversimplified view of our own lives, not really grasping or trying to grasp what it really is. What it means to be alive in this system*, and why the society we live in operates the way that it does. This is all important to consider because it is being proven more and more that the environment, the world around us, has a tremendous impact on our development and health.

We are operators in this society. In other words, we do things.

We all understand what we do (in a superficial way). We perform actions, we complete tasks. We behave in certain ways, especially in ways that are considered normal. The problem with just accepting this all is that it is not really living.

Atleast it isn’t living if we consider living to mean participating in our own existence.  

Being an active participant in our own lives implies not merely that “free will” is real, but that our actions are decisions. To live, without living intentionally – with purpose and rationalized decision making – is not actively living at all. I think that with the exception of fringe intellectuals or religious folk, many of us believe that we do have agency (the ability to make our own decisions) to a certain extent.

Adopting this standpoint, to live with intention, actively and participatively, is to truly exist and experience the quality and depth of life itself in a truly beautiful, holistic manner. Ultimately a real** manner.   

What does this have to do with men exactly?

To understand what we are as men, we need to understand our own context. That is, the structure of the society that we live in. We have to understand why what we consider normal has been constructed and allowed to be thought of as “normal”.

We need to think not only about what we are doing, but consider why we are doing it and if there is a better way.

We need to understand what the actual consequences are of our so-called normal behaviour.

 

 

*By system I am referring broadly and generally to our overarching system, encompassing all layers and networks of sub-systems; the way people interact in a society (cultures), the political system, the economic system, etc…

**Please don’t waste time arguing about subjective realities on here. I maintain the right to some self-righteous liberties as this is my blog. Even if you hold the perspective that an individuals own subjective reality is all that matters, it is obvious that within that reality there is logic in optimizing your own world. Interpreting the world around you in a way that is beneficial to yourself. I suggest that there is a richer, fuller way of living than basing your existence upon such fear based models. Assuming that your consciousness in the only real one is basically a “slave morality” worldview, ultimately disempowering to the individual, justifying your own subordination and further alienating you from other people.