Rape

An important concept to understand when thinking about rape is the idea that in a society which structurally supports male supremacy (which our society does in a number of important ways), there is the development of a self-perception in individuals in relation to perceived normalcy (being male), for men this means living up to the dominant masculinity ideals, for women this means playing their role in relation to men or emulating and reinforcing masculinity paradigms and thus the societal structure as a whole. In other words, patriarchal values are often internalized in an attempt to fit in.

The point is that in this sense, men are “normal” and women are “deviant”.

Through this culture, young men become especially, and increasingly alienated from the diversity and breadth of real feminine sexual desires and needs. This is done through the construction of a model of the woman as subordinate, the sexual objectification of the woman. Sex becomes conceptually impersonal to the young man. It becomes seen as something enacted upon another, rather than with another. This is the reification of a socially constructed rape culture.

To state it again another way, when the dominant culture within a society is supportive of a group of people being accepted as ‘inferior’ to another group, it allows the supposedly ‘superior’ group to develop abstract mental models of the misunderstood other group. In a patriarchal society this can lead to misogyny.

Societal framing of men as normal and women as deviant enables violent and hateful acts by the dehumanization of the victim in the eyes of the perpetrator.

The media presents a small selection of pre-packaged norm models for young women to emulate. They are not as diverse, interesting, or self-reliant as the plethora of options available to young men deciding how to behave (which I also believe is extremely limiting) and the majority of them are based off of the female relationship to males itself, or encouraging the female to adopt negative masculinity traits. Obviously the media isn’t the only thing guiding the development of young people, but it is important because of its format. It is because the media presents normalcy from an external perspective, showing others interacting socially that it is so powerful.

It creates a mental blueprint for behavior when out in the world that may conflict with the internal character development of the individual in the family home. It is also important considering the ever increasing role that it plays in value development and socialization, considering the sheer amount of time that many children and teenagers spend exploring the internet and watching television.

People know that rape is “not okay”. It is one of the most stigmatized crimes in our society. Yet, many people do not seem to fully comprehend the gravity of rape as a real, tangible act and it’s consequences. It is not often talked about from a human perspective, in a compassionate and empathy evoking manner. Rather, rape cases are often reduced to a blur of legalese and easily interpreted (and misinterpreted) information like the superficial details of the crime and the punishment. Victim blaming is a common occurrence and social media has made this all the worse.  Victims remain dehumanized in the public eye.

In a world where women are presented to young men through media primarily, if not solely as sexual objects, sexual assault will be a huge problem. There is a cultivated perception of women as subhuman mediums through which sexual pleasure is derived.  This needs to be addressed. At the very least, women’s ownership of their own bodies needs to be something clearly communicated, and consciously socialized into young men. It may sound ridiculous, but simply from observing the reality of what happens in our society it is clearly not. It is blatantly obvious that this is because Young men need now, more than ever, to be taught to view media and “normal” behavior through a critical lens.

Prescribed male sexual behaviour is often dominating and aggressive. Again -it is presented as an individual’s act upon another, not with another- this denies the reality of sex itself, being only possible as an interpersonal act. It is a relational, fundamentally social act and to not be perceived as such is delusional. Many of the encouraged male behaviour paradigms have not only misogynistic, but also generally sociopathic elements as we talked about somewhat in the last article. This happens culturally through many outlets: through misogynistic pornography, advertisements, pop music, magazines, etc… and is then reinforced socially in male social groups and sports teams. It creates a powerful cultural male/female division, positing ‘male’ and ‘male’ behaviour types as superior and normal, couple this with the cultural effects of a society that celebrates individualism, narcissism, and often defines a male as “strong” by his lack of emotional attachment to other human beings and we have a deadly cocktail.

Manliness

Manliness: How a man is supposed to look and act.

We could probably rate someones appearance as “manly” or not based on what we think a “man” should look like. Big, strong, muscular. I tend to picture Paul Bunyan mixed with Ronnie Coleman. It sounds silly, or even absurd but it’s true.
But how does a man act?

Well, getting the look down is the easy part. As we will see, dominant masculinity types are full of hypocrisy in our society.

First off – let’s point out that different groups have different expectations about normal behaviour. Then think about how many different groups we interact with in our everyday lives.

To highlight the point I’m trying to make, let’s look at two typical archetypal male roles in our society:

  • “Christian Man” since North America is religiously dominated by Christians.
  • “Blue Collar Working Man” because this is a large portion of the population and an idol of traditional “manliness”.

Let’s sum up some of the key characteristics of these manliness paradigms, as you read, imagine that both Church and work are very important and time consuming aspects of your life.

*Ideal Christian Man

  • Spiritual (emotional, subjective, metaphysical) relationship with God
  • Unwavering faith
  • Repressed sexual appetite
  • Repressed excessive desire

*Norms of Blue Collar Working Man

  • Hard  working (“git er done”)
  • Breadwinner
  • Unemotional
  • Not encouraged to display intelligence
  • Unrestrained sexual appetite 

In other words, a male growing up often has a lot to grapple with in terms of forming models of behaviour, as they are often directly incongruous depending upon the social situation. Within the context of North American overarching norm models based ideologically on competition, these traits further manifest themselves in selfish and “scared-of-others” ways, rather than cooperative or otherwise socially beneficial ways. This further exaggerates social issues by corrupting even well meaning models of personal identity provided to men. It’s possible for traits to configure themselves in infinitely disastrous packages. The result is sometimes the rationalized development of a ticking masculine time bomb of unfortunately glorified traits picked out of our delusional society:

  •  Physically strong
  • Unintelligent
  • Uncompromising and narrow minded
  • Impersonal/unemotional
  • Selfish
  • Hostile or aggressive (ultimately a defensive mindset)
  • Competitive, desire to dominate others
  • Sex obsessed for purpose of external validation from male peers
  • Solely fear based moral system

I think that the problems with this are obvious. Many of the traits that are exemplified and held up on the man-pedestal are blantantly sociopathic. This mode of being is a bane to all of society, and men are no exceptions. The problem with many male behaviour norms is that they are disturbingly negative. Male depression and suicide are huge problems. This is no coincidence, this is not an innate male sex issue, it is a socially and culturally constructed monster.

Psychologically self-destructive (through the erosion of emotional health and relationships), and anti-social, isolating tendencies are mass produced in our society.

If we can understand this, if we can understand how our actions hurt the people we love, and can accept the truth – that we are able to change – then things can improve in time. We can develop much more optimal cultures, conducive to strong mental health and general well being. A man needs to be able to access his emotions, he needs them to relate to others, he needs to channel them into things that he loves and is passionate about. There is no shame in that. We’re all human beings. To live without emotion, without passion, is to live in a colorless and lonely world. Emotions are what connect us as people, they motivate us, they make life interesting and at times awe inspiring.

We are influenced by society and taught how to act to be normal, but when normal is harmful to ourselves and others we have the ability to choose something better. We don’t have to be normal. Normal is synonymous with mediocrity. We can make exceptional decisions, we can have the courage to live in an inspiring, emotionally, and socially fulfilling and healthy manner.
*Yes, I know these are broad terms I’m working with but these concepts are general, as I am talking about general expected behaviors for the purpose of presenting my basic argument in a simple and accessible manner. Obviously there are much more comprehensive and specific analyses of Christianity and working class/working-middle class subcultures, I do not claim this to be such an analysis. Thank-you.

Men. What are we?

Many of us tend to take an oversimplified view of our own lives, not really grasping or trying to grasp what it really is. What it means to be alive in this system*, and why the society we live in operates the way that it does. This is all important to consider because it is being proven more and more that the environment, the world around us, has a tremendous impact on our development and health.

We are operators in this society. In other words, we do things.

We all understand what we do (in a superficial way). We perform actions, we complete tasks. We behave in certain ways, especially in ways that are considered normal. The problem with just accepting this all is that it is not really living.

Atleast it isn’t living if we consider living to mean participating in our own existence.  

Being an active participant in our own lives implies not merely that “free will” is real, but that our actions are decisions. To live, without living intentionally – with purpose and rationalized decision making – is not actively living at all. I think that with the exception of fringe intellectuals or religious folk, many of us believe that we do have agency (the ability to make our own decisions) to a certain extent.

Adopting this standpoint, to live with intention, actively and participatively, is to truly exist and experience the quality and depth of life itself in a truly beautiful, holistic manner. Ultimately a real** manner.   

What does this have to do with men exactly?

To understand what we are as men, we need to understand our own context. That is, the structure of the society that we live in. We have to understand why what we consider normal has been constructed and allowed to be thought of as “normal”.

We need to think not only about what we are doing, but consider why we are doing it and if there is a better way.

We need to understand what the actual consequences are of our so-called normal behaviour.

 

 

*By system I am referring broadly and generally to our overarching system, encompassing all layers and networks of sub-systems; the way people interact in a society (cultures), the political system, the economic system, etc…

**Please don’t waste time arguing about subjective realities on here. I maintain the right to some self-righteous liberties as this is my blog. Even if you hold the perspective that an individuals own subjective reality is all that matters, it is obvious that within that reality there is logic in optimizing your own world. Interpreting the world around you in a way that is beneficial to yourself. I suggest that there is a richer, fuller way of living than basing your existence upon such fear based models. Assuming that your consciousness in the only real one is basically a “slave morality” worldview, ultimately disempowering to the individual, justifying your own subordination and further alienating you from other people. 

Mission statement.

The aim of this site will be to provide critical analysis and commentary on the lives and status of men and other issues relating to masculinity in Western societies for the purpose of progress towards a healthier and more rewarding future for all people. 

Real, serious problems such as domestic abuse, sexual assault, depression and other mental health issues will be discussed.